Couples in distress often feel there is little hope of a way out of a troubled marriage that doesn’t involve divorce. To try and avoid this inevitability, many couples may consider counselling.
You may already have decided to opt for the marriage counselling Melbourne couples rely on for clarity in their relationships. Or, perhaps you’re too scared to mention it to your partner. If you’re wondering if there’s really anything a stranger can salvage without knowing you, the following will provide some insight.
Does Couples Therapy Work?
Couples therapy doesn’t always have the best reputation. In fact, many people believe that these hurtful sessions can make matters worse. Is this really the case? We take a look at the top principles that make the couples therapy Melbourne residents believe in so effective.
1. Change the Views of the Relationship
Each person in the marriage views their relationship from their own perspective. In most cases, those perspectives aren’t very objective. Depending on how extensive the issues are, each party may only see and focus on the negatives—which often get exaggerated based on their perceptions and assumptions.
A couples therapist will try and help both parties view the marriage more objectively. They also teach each party to see events and sentiments in context rather than as individual issues. Furthermore, they guide the individuals to view events from the other party’s viewpoint.
2. Attempt to Modify Dysfunctional Behaviour
Depending on the underlying issues, the way couples behave with each other could have become toxic. The number one goal of any couples therapist should be to change the manner in which the couple behave toward each other. Essentially this means reducing anger, bitterness or resentment toward the partner.
Teaching the couple to identify and stop any negative physical and psychological behaviour is only one of many approaches. Other ways to modify the behaviour include the couples taking a “time-out” from each other to avoid any escalation of conflict. When a partner identifies the harmful actions, they can begin working on solving the root cause.
3. Work on Decreasing Emotional Avoidance
It’s easier to fix a relationship with someone if you know what they are upset about but not all couples show their true feelings, simply to avoid conflict. In doing this they inadvertently become emotionally distant, and this leads to growing apart. In most cases it’s only one partner who feels like this, making the other person seem overbearing, loud and “causing all the problems.”
Couples therapists don’t strive to “silence” the partner who is complaining but rather get the other partner to express their feelings. By confronting pent-up feelings both partners can attempt to work on the issues that are driving them apart.
4. Find Ways to Improve Communication
Over time distressed couples may either stop communicating with each other or resort to abusive and demeaning communication. A therapist will encourage couples to speak to each other in more understanding and supportive ways. Understanding where any built-up anger comes from will go a long way toward ensuring better communication.
In addition to focusing on speaking to each other in more effective ways, therapists will encourage couples to listen to each other. Essentially, couples should listen to understand rather than listen to reply.
5. Focus on Promoting Strength
Focusing on the strength of the relationship or marriage is another key to building resilience in a relationship. This is an important aspect because it highlights that the partnership isn’t just about the problems that have driven them to therapy in the first place. Therapists want to remind couples of the enjoyment they had previously experienced in the partnership. Couples are encouraged to look for the strengths of the other person as well as the positive aspects they bring to the partnership.
Essentially several strengths make up a good relationship. Couples are encouraged to practice the following to strengthen their partnerships:
- Mutual respect for each other’s values, opinions and boundaries. This includes knowing when to take a time-out for the sake of the partnership.
- Trust in each other which includes giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, even if the situation may not seem like it warrants it.
- Compromise from both parties ensures that it’s not just a one-sided partnership.
- Fighting fair when it comes to arguments, disagreements and general discussions. This means no hashing up past matters, insulting the other party’s opinion and rather focusing on finding solutions.
Final Thought
There may be many myths about couples therapy not working. However, there are many, if not more success stories of couples therapy being a successful way to resolve underlying issues.
Often, whether or not couples therapy works stems from each partner’s willingness to take accountability for the issues and find positive ways to resolve them. Each partnership has its strengths and it’s important to focus on these points!